Issei Hyoudou, breast grabber extraordinaire
by Skylinemaster
Summary: Issei Hyoudou should have died. And he would have, had it not been for a perverted Shinto god with a love for breasts and way too much time on his hands. Issei Hyoudou lives again, only for groping breasts at the behest of his new benefactor. Not that he doesn't mind it though. Crack fic.
1. Welcome back to the land of the living

Hello there, Skylinemaster here with a new story. Just a spur of the moment thing that I hope you like.

'Thought'

"Speech."

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from High School DxD.

* * *

 **October 21, 1600. Sekigehara, Japan**

Cough!

"Ugh, crap, no, not like this..."

A male figure said this, coughing up blood in between words. The light of the moon shone off his armor. His face is obscured by his helmet, that fell over his eyes, but blood is seen all around his mouth.

"Not like this, I haven't even seen them yet..."

He said, weakly moving his head up to see the sword that impaled him to the ground.

"Someone, anyone, I'll do, whatever..."

He said, weakly.

"You will?"

A female voice said in the darkness.

The man blinked several times.

"Yes, anything."

He said as he saw a shadowy figure appear.

"Miko?"

He questioned why there is a shrine maiden in front of him. The aforementioned shrine maiden is a short but beautiful teenage girl with flowing black hair and piercing brown eyes. She stared down at him, curiously, before speaking.

"You, Masanori no Hyoudou, have been deemed worthy..."

She said, however, the now named Hyoudou wasn't listening at all. In fact, he was focused solely on the shrine maiden's outfit, which left little to the imagination.

Specifically, he focused on her chest, which is quite developed, to say the least.

"Oppai!"

He yelled, summoning the least of his strength to reach up and grab the shrine maiden's breasts.

"I, can, die, happy now."

He said, squeezing the breasts before his face was grabbed and slammed back into the ground.

"P-p-p-PERVERT!"

She said, her face red from anger and embarrassment, summoning a sword and aiming it at the grinning Hyoudou's face.

"I,have, no regrets."

He coughed, before smiling. The redness intensified on the maiden's face as she stabbed downward, but before the sword connected, a great flash of light appeared, blinding the maiden.

After a few moments of her eyes adjusting back into the light, she blinked at the spot where Hyoudou was.

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GOOOOOOOOOOO?!"

* * *

Hyoudou blinked, not once, not twice, but three times.

'Is this the afterlife?'

He questioned as he felt water all around him.

'Water?'

He floated before standing up in what appears to be a shallow pond.

"And you are awake, good."

A refined male voice said.

Hyoudou turned his head to the source of the voice, and could not believe what he saw.

There, standing on top of the water, is a man with long, silver hair and a pale complexion dressed in a black kimono.

"Kami?"

Hyoudou stuttered out. The man simply smiled.

"One of them actually, I'm Tsukuyomi."

The moon god of the Shinto pantheon said simply.

Hyoudou quickly prostrated in the face of a god.

"Please, please, no need. Get up."

Tsukuyomi told Hyoudou, who slowly got up.

"So, I'm dead? This is the afterlife?"

Hyoudou asked. Tsukuyomi simply shrugged his shoulders.

"It can be, if you want. It can also be temporary."

Tsukuyomi told, glancing at the moon.

"Temporary? I can go back to life?"

Hyoudou asked in disbelief.

"After that stunt you pulled, yes?"

Tsukuyomi said with a laugh.

"What I did?"

Hyoudou asked, dumbfounded as to what the god was talking about.

"Remember that shrine maiden?"

Hyoudou nodded his head.

"That was Konohanasakuya-hime, running a favor for Enma, god of the dead."

Hyoudou's eyes went wide open at the name.

"And then you just up and grabbed her breasts!"

Tsukuyomi burst out laughing.

"The look on her face was hilarous! I captured that motion in my archives already, so I can replay it over and over again..."

He said as he tried to stifle the laughter and appear serious.

"I'm not one to interfere in Enma's domain, but I couldn't just do nothing in the face of the motion who just groped a goddess! I find you interesting, and I need something thing to alleviate my boredom from my duties of watching the moon... So, I'm prepared to make you a deal."

He said, finally get all the laughter out of his system.

"A deal?"

Hyoudou's eyes narrowed, causing the god to raise his eyebrows.

"You have a lot of guts, mortal. But I like that. The deal is I'll help you and your entire bloodline, in exchange, you grope women for me."

...

Tsukuyomi said this with the upmost seriousness.

...

"..You want me to, grope breasts, in exchange for living."

Hyoudou asked incredulously with his mouth wide open.

"You and your descendants, but yes. It's either that or I throw you..."

"I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it!"

A smile appeared on Tsukuyomi's face.

"Good, please provided me entertainment, Hyoudou."

* * *

 **400 or so years later. Kuoh, Japan.**

"Will you die for me?"

Amana Yuuma asked.

'I must have misheard that.'

Hyoudou thought.

This is a different Hyoudou. Not Masanori no Hyoudou, a skilled warrior, but Issei Hyoudou, a perverted high school student.

"Can you please repeat that?"

He asked as his date leaned into his ear again.

"I said, will you die for me?"

She said, as her clothes burst. She grew a pair of black wings out of her back and her outfit is now what can be described as a BDSM outfit.

"W-what are you?!"

Issei questioned.

"Dont blame us. Your Sacred Gear was a threat to us. Blame the god that put it into your body."

She said, hurling a newly materialized Light spear at Issei.

Issei was struck down by the Light spear and pinned to the ground.

"I'm sorry, our date was fun and all, but like they say, all good things must come to an end."

She taunted, walking up to the dying Hyoudou.

'Dammit, I'm going to die like this?'

Issei thought as he saw Amana a standing over him with a smirk on her face and a Light spear in her hand.

'No, not like this!'

He summoned all of his strength to rise up and grab his date. By the breasts.

"Oppai!I-I can die now!"

He said happily as he squeezed the breasts of his date turned killer.

"Y-y-you PERVERT!"

She pushed him back down violently and stabbed him repeatedly with the Light spear, unknowing that a figure watched the entire scene from above.

* * *

 **Same time. Takamagahara**

"Hahaahahahahahaahahahaha!"

Tsukuyomi snickered as he watched the entire thing unfold from what can only be described as a holographic screen.

"I-I guess things don't change."

He remarked as he saw the Fallen Angel stop angrily desecrating the dead Hyoudou's body. He narrowed his eyes at the dead body.

"Red Dragon Emperor, you Hyoudous sure do provide entertainment."

He snapped his fingers, causing the screen to disappear.

He glanced around before a giant smile came on his face.

"The end of times are coming. Have to grope them all before it all ends."

He remarked seriously with a hand on his chin.

He snapped his fingers again, causing the corpse of Issei Hyoudou to appear in front of him.

He crouched down, placing his hand over the corpse's heart.

"I suppose I'll take a more active role this time. Issei Hyoudou, welcome back to the land of the living."

* * *

The inspiration to write this came today, so I acted on it.

Please follow, favorite, and review. Not sure as to the direction I want to take this story yet. Tell me what you want in the review section.

Until next time, Skylinemaster out.


	2. Congrats, your life is now my video game

Hello there, Skylinemaster here with another chapter of Issei Hyoudou, breast grabber extraordinare

"Speech."

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from High School DxD

* * *

"Wake up, or I'll cut you into pieces. Wake up, or I'll cut you into pieces."

Issei lazily turned off his alarm clock, which happened to be yandere today.

He rose out of bed, stretching his arms before his eyes widened.

"Who the hell are you?!"

The person in question simply looked up from the manga he was reading, looking at Issei lazily, before glancing back down at the manga.

"Page sixty-seven."

The figure muttered as he put the manga back into the shelf with the other manga. Issei noted the strange look of the figure. He was dressed in what can only be described as feudal era clothing, but the main thing that attracted Issei's attention was his pale, white hair.

"Remember, the girl with the black wings? Well, I saved you from death. My name is Tsukuyomi, you might have heard of me?"

Tsukuyomi smirked as he took a seat. Issei nodded at his name.

"Yuuma, w-why did she try to kill me?"

Issei asked slowly as he stared at the Shinto god of the moon with a mixture of reverence and fear.

"It is a very long story that I don't care about telling right now. She is a Fallen Angel..."

Tsukuyomi held his hand up as he saw that Issei was about to say something.

"...Yes, Fallen Angels are real. Angels are real, Devils are real, monsters are real. Hell, you see a god right in front of you. Anyways, she killed you for your Sacred Gear."

Tsukuyomi said calmly as he glanced at Issei's bewildered face.

"They are?! Also, what is a Sacred Gear?"

Tsukuyomi remained calm as he snapped his fingers. A holographic screen, no bigger than a computer tablet, materialized at his fingertips. He then swiped the air as he was swiping a smartphone, which sent the screen towards Issei.

"Red Dragon Emperor, the Boosted Gear."

Tsukuyomi said. The holographic screen went through the catalog of Sacred Gears before stopping on the Boosted Gear. There was a short description of it on the page with a constantly changing 3-D hologram on the screen.

"That is what she killed you for. The God from the Jewish and Christian Bibles created these to give to humans to perform miracles on Earth. Yours is a special one as it is part of the Longinus class of Sacred Gears. Thirteen Longinus class Sacred Gears exist, each with a different power. Yours can double your power every so often. All Longinus class Sacred Gears, when properly mastered, have the ability to kill God or Satan."

Issei tried to digest Tsukuyomi's information.

"That is why she killed you. She thought you were a threat to her and her allies. Don't worry though, I saved you."

Tsukuyomi said as he looked at Issei's face.

"Why?"

"Hm?"

"Why did you save me? Not that I am not grateful, but why would a god waste their time on me?"

Issei said in a bit of a self-loathing way.

"Your ancestors have provided me with a lot of entertainment."

At Tsukuyomi's words, the screen suddenly displayed a portrait of a serious looking Japanese man. It then cycled through various portraits of other, equally as serious men.

"These all some of your ancestors. Masanori, Shosuke, Kyoji, and Yushin to name a few. I saved most of them from the brink of death with an offer. Nothing is free in this world after all."

"An offer, what is the offer?"

Issei asked. Tsukuyomi smiled as he continued.

"You, have to grope breasts."

...

Issei stared at the god with his jaw dropped and his eyes as wide as dinner plates.

...

The silence continued for a few moments.

...

And then a few more.

"So, what do you think of the offer?"

Tsukuyomi finally asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence that fell over the room.

"I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it!"

Tsukuyomi chuckled at Issei's enthusiasm.

"Your ancestors were this excited as well. But, you are different, much stronger than your ancestors."

Tsukuyomi said as he got up from the chair and started pacing around the room.

A big smile appeared on Tsukuyomi's face. Not the excited smile or happy smile, but the I'm going to mess with you smile appeared, filling Issei with dreaded.

"I said you'd be my entertainment, so you will. Look down at the screen."

Issei did as Tsukuyomi told. His eyes narrowed as he saw various bars and numbers.

"These are...video game stats."

Issei saw the big grin on Tsukuyomi's face, and at that point, he knew.

It felt like time slowed down around him as he knew that he was being messed with and there was nothing he could do about it.

"I'm a video game character to you now!?"

He blurted out as Tsukuyomi simply chuckled.

"Ummm, yes."

He said as a matter of fact.

"...I'm giving you more of a chance at survival than I did your ancestors."

Tsukuyomi said as Issei frowned.

"I take it you aren't happy with the arrangement? If not, I can throw your ass into Hell and..."

"No, no, no! I'll be your video game character."

Issei blurted out.

Tsukuyomi simply smiled at this.

"You have a dozen points to use on improving anything you see fit. I do warn you though, the girls you will be groping are not Human and may or may not have powers that can kill, injure, or permanently maim you."

Tsukuyomi said in a very serious tone of voice.

"...Well, have fun. Simply use the screen as you would a tablet and click what you want to upgrade. When you are done, just close the screen by pressing the x in the upper right hand corner. You'll get your first assignment after I receive your stats. Bye."

He said, disappearing into thin air.

* * *

Tsukuyomi napped inside his office before the 'you've got mail' sound awoke him.

"Issei, Issei, my boy. Let's see what you have improved."

He said as the screen appeared in front of him.

"Stealth, maximum health, invisibility..."

He chuckled.

"Not bad, not bad at all."

A mischievous smile appeared on Tsukuyomi's face.

"But, this would be better."

And that was heard from Tsukuyomi's office was maniacal laughter as he rearranged all of Issei's stats.

* * *

Issei slumped down on his desk as the lunch bell rung.

"So boring..."

He muttered as he felt something vibrating in his pants.

He took out his phone and turned down the vibration feature.

 _One new message_

Issei opened the message slowly, dreading who is the first to be groped.

 **Mission 1-4:**

 **Target(s): Rias Gremory, Sona Shitori, Tsubuki Shinra, and Akeno Himejima**

* * *

Well, I hope you enjoyed that. I am very happy with the amount of feedback I received. It seems like people really like this and want this to be continued.

Please follow, favorite, and review.

Until next time, Skylinemaster out.


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